This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
