I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
