Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
