look no pants
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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