WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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