Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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