barbara walters just said penis...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
