discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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