My nipple is on Facebook.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
