did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
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Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?