Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Did I show you my penis last night?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
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I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
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Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president