My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.