Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.