why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
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he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
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Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is