Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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