the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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