Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
