Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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