Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
