her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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