The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Drunk is not a location!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize