Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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