I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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