Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
