dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
