Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
