Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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