She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
