but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Dating After Heartbreak
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?