yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He felt like a one man threesome
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we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
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At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.