i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
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i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
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I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.