Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?