it wasn't lemon gatorade
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn