Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."