you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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