I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
