Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I supernannyed him into submission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize