I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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