The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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