i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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