im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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