I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
