you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
