coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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