I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Did we literally take a cab across the street
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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