so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
