i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Randomize
