I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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