Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
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Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.