remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
