you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
