Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um

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  (415): Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um http://tfl.nu/bp62
  Replies (8) Good night (627) Bad night (1585)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.

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  (262): Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other. http://tfl.nu/ky9n
  Replies (33) Good night (3826) Bad night (1219)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  I met the friendliest cop last night

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  (641): I met the friendliest cop last night http://tfl.nu/2xxe
  Replies (12) Good night (4508) Bad night (904)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I think im going to throw up on grandma

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  (315): I think im going to throw up on grandma http://tfl.nu/l2gu
  Replies (3) Good night (855) Bad night (2601)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours

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  (610): there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours http://tfl.nu/tvxl
  Replies (3) Good night (607) Bad night (2745)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.

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  (604): I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone. http://tfl.nu/1vtw
  Replies (2) Good night (618) Bad night (2077)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed

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  (601): Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed http://tfl.nu/n1gm
  Replies (83) Good night (1149) Bad night (4819)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  im getting a BJ in a closet

  (205): View more from Alabama

  and a penguin just handed me a bong

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  (205): im getting a BJ in a closet (205): and a penguin just handed me a bong http://tfl.nu/oarm
  Replies (60) Good night (12466) Bad night (940)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.

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  (615): my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap. http://tfl.nu/2c94
  Replies (27) Good night (4311) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.

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  (440): We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate. http://tfl.nu/v1r2
  Replies (9) Good night (1683) Bad night (4359)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.

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  (608): Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap. http://tfl.nu/9p7s
  Replies (8) Good night (3932) Bad night (917)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth

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  (540): i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth http://tfl.nu/m5qw
  Replies (6) Good night (903) Bad night (1462)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.

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  (678): I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/j7y2
  Replies (4) Good night (2922) Bad night (1019)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.

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  (702): He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking. http://tfl.nu/611y
  Replies (4) Good night (491) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.

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  (515): I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore. http://tfl.nu/112w
  Replies (0) Good night (476) Bad night (388)

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