Pappa wants mamma naked
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me