omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller