hell yes lets make some ravioli
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
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I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
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I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??