New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
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I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
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You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.