Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
