We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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