you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
