got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
