first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
