I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
