Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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