I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like iHOP with fire
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize