just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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