I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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