All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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