then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
