sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
