he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
