just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
