Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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