Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
